Brené Brown and Adam Grant say the best leaders do this. Mediocre managers do the opposite

How can you tell if someone is a great leader? They always want to know more. They’re interested in mastery of a subject or skill. They ask great questions. And, as they find out more, they sometimes change their mind. They’re a “learner.”

But these days, most CEOs and other leaders take the opposite approach. They think of themselves as “knowers.” They appear to have all the answers. That’s bad for them, their direct reports, and the organizations they lead. That insight comes from researcher and author Brené Brown and Wharton professor and author Adam Grant. The two behavior experts had an open-ended discussion about the nature of courageous leadership during a recent episode of Grant’s ReThinking podcast.

Being a learner seems to have fallen out of favor in recent years, Brown observed. “That’s not going to serve us right now,” she said. “When I talk to senior leaders all over the world, they’re saying, ‘Boy, it’s really problematic when people come in and they act like they know everything. What I’m looking for are candidates who have exquisite questions and are really hungry to solve the problem.’ And so I think we have to shift the thinking there a lot.”

Great leaders ask great questions

Both Brown and Grant believe that asking the right questions is a powerful leadership skill that’s much more important than knowing all the answers. “If I go into an organization, I’ll spend three weeks just asking questions,” Brown said. “I’ll look at a CEO and say, ‘What’s on your heart and mind? If you sit up straight in bed at 4 o’clock in the morning, what are you worried about?’”

It’s important to ask these sorts of questions when dealing with your employees, as well as your potential customers, investors, or company leadership, Grant added. “So many people, when they try to motivate someone, they project their own motivations onto them, as opposed to saying, ‘If I want to motivate you, I’ve got to know what you value,’” he said.

Once you get answers to your questions, the most important next step is what Brown calls “the playback.” You repeat back the answer you heard and ask if you have it right. It’s vital for two reasons. First, you may not have heard everything correctly. This gives you a chance to correct anything you misunderstood and catch anything you may have left out.

Just as important, that question lets you build a connection with the other person. Research shows that in hostage situations, whether people live or die often comes down to two words, she explained. The goal is for the hostage negotiator to repeat back what the hostage taker says, and for the hostage taker to say, “That’s right.”

‘Hardwired to Be Seen and Heard’

If it happens, that simple exchange improves the odds of survival for both the hostages and the hostage taker, Brown said. “As human beings, we are neurobiologically hardwired to be seen and heard.” It’s another reason why asking the right questions, and being willing to listen, learn new information, and even change your mind are some of the most important skills a leader can have.

There’s a growing audience of Inc.com readers who receive a daily text from me with a self-care or motivational microchallenge or tip. Often, they text me back and we wind up in a conversation. (Want to know more? It’s easy to try it out and you can easily cancel anytime. Here’s some information about the texts and a special invitation to a two-month free trial.) Many of my subscribers are entrepreneurs or business leaders. They know how important it is to always keep learning throughout their careers. Knowing how to ask the right questions and then repeat back the answers is a good place to start.

—Minda Zetlin

This article originally appeared on Fast Company’s sister publication, Inc.

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