Trump’s New MAGA Slogan: Kids Will Get Two Dolls and Not 30

Just one day after his commerce secretary claimed that the American Dream is a return to multigenerational factory serfdom, President Trump stated that parents might have to buy less toys for their kids while his destructive tariffs on China take effect.

“ made a trillion dollars with Biden, a trillion dollars, even a trillion and one with Biden, selling us stuff,” Trump said, referring to the gargantuan Chinese import market in the United States. “Much of it we don’t need. Ya’ know, somebody said, ‘Oh the shelves are gonna be open.’ Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. And maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally.”

The Trump administration has been trying for weeks now to gaslight Americans into thinking these tariffs will only be a temporary rough spot, that each country we’ve levied them on will fold, and that the man who penned The Art of the Deal will work his magic once again.

The reality of the situation is bleaker than they can imagine. The country’s GDP fell by 0.3 percent in the first three months of the year, the first time in years that the economy has shrunk, while Trump blamed it entirely on former President Joe Biden.

Meanwhile, the entire world is bracing for impact, Americans who were already struggling are feeling deeply anxious, and Trump—whose very name is associated with opulence—has the nerve to tell the populace to buy less toys for their kids. Who is buying 30 toys at once?